Why do Republicans hate Black Lives Matter?

Hate’s a strong word, don’t you agree? Put yourself in our shoes. We’re mostly white and we’ve always been in power. It’s just sort of threatening when people start talking about racial justice and demanding equality. Over the years we’ve found it much easier to suppress voices and votes so we don’t have to think too hard about how to govern a multiracial country where everyone can belong. 

If more people in this country have access to justice and opportunity, it might threaten our power a bit. A few years ago,  some very fine people marched to Unite the Right in Charlottesville, and we liked what they had to say so much, we turned their chants into our talking points this year. So let’s get to it: we’re here to proudly defend our ‘heritage’ of celebrating chattel slavery, decry the ‘replacement’ of our culture, and call anyone who thinks otherwise a ‘radical leftist’ (whose part of a Jewish conspiracy).